yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
