I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
