I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
