Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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