ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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