if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
