you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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