@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
