is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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