i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
