is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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