Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
