Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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