ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
