Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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