i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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