Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize