you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
