We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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