Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're a waste of cheezeits
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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