Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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