I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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