You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
