listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What changed your mind?
Being sober
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
