she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize