why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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