So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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