Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
