Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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