If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
