I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
