Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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