i don't like sucking hair
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
