This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
