Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
