K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
