I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
