i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was confusing and full of hummus
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
