She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
