Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize