Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
