dude i'm inner monologue high
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
