her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
