I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
