we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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