I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
