I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
