i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
