I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
did you just send me my own nude
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
