Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
