he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
