I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
