Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
