It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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