The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
