So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
