Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
