ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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