I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
