the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
