Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
