you guys were way drunker than both of me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
