i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
