Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
