I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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