omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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