Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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